Yarns by Adults

My ex-wife says that I am crazy for dating men, as if dating men is a crime.I will admit that I use to love to caress my wife.She is a gorgeous woman,but that is not enough to keep me straight.When we first met we were but kids playing in the sand box like all kids do.Her mom and my mom were best friends.We grew up in the same neighborhood,you know the kind of place where everyone knew everyone.Catherine my wife knew that I was gay before my mom but that did not stop her love for me.I think that I knew my sexual preference from the time that I was about 9 years old,she was 7 at the time.I started dating men when I was 15,my first love was 21 when I met him in my teen years.Catherine kept telling me that I could change,that her love would keep me strong but it didn't.I tried to change I wanted to.But it seems that truth had another road for me.One that did not include her as my wife.We tried to make the marriage work we even had a kid.I am a good dad but I am not happy because I keep lying to myself.

I regret ever marrying but I am grateful for my son.It's taken my wife quite some time to except the fact that I am who I am.One thing that I am grateful for is that I have never lied to Catherine, she lied to herself.She knows that dating men will always be a part of my life and says that she can except it but still refuses to divorce until our son is older.I don't think that it is a good idea because I feel that it will be harder on him in later years when he finds out the truth about his father.To live with my wife knowing that I would rather be with a man would be harder on her than she knows.She would always believe in the back of her mind that she can still change a thing that she knew about from the time that we were kids.

I have decided to leave.I am going to wait when she goes to work and just leave.I will always take care of her and our son but I cannot continue to live this lie,Because in the course of making her happy I will be miserable.I can only hope that she forgives me.